Bible-Bible-Africa

Last year during my senior year at a Bible school I was invited to a luncheon with the board of trustees. I was sitting at a table with a bunch of men with suits and ties and sitting right next to a well known author and the head of the board. My hair was a hot mess and I was wearing my plain old gray cardigan that I wear about every other day. Then another student who was a student leader with me came and sat down with us. This guy is perfect. I mean seriously perfect. He was all prim and proper with his shirt and perfectly matching tie. I wanted to get up and leave knowing that there was no way I was going to compare to Mr. Perfect, but I was stuck.

Then the trustees went around asking us our majors and what we planned on doing after graduation that was only a couple weeks away. Mr. Perfect replied, "Well, my major is Bible and my minor is Bible, and well, after college I'm actually planning on going to Africa to help out some missionaries I know." They replied, "Oh! Wow! That's great!" I replied, "Well, um. . . . I'm a counseling major, and well I'm actually going to be taking a year off after I graduate. You know, just to work and save money." They replied, "Oh. . . . ."


I felt like such a failure in that moment. I mean, how on earth was I supposed to even compare to Bible-Bible-Africa-Man! There was no way! I sat there feeling like I somehow wasted my four years of tution-paid education and that all vision, dream, and ambition was lost. I would never be Bible-Bible-Africa. I was about to enter into Year Off-Working at a Coffee Shop-And I Have No Idea What I'm Doing With My Life Girl. I am a far cry from Bible-Bible-Africa.

Last Sunday at church I went to this new class I've been attended. I met a couple of people and of course the question arises, "So what do you do?" They replied, "I actually work for the American Cancer Association," and "I'm an IT consultant." I replied, "I'm just nannying and working at Starbucks." They replied, "Oh." And there I was again. I felt the exact same way I did sitting next to Bible-Bible-Africa.

Much of this post-college journey from leaving all my friends, leaving what's familiar, and moving to a new location, has been about somehow finding peace with being that girl who always prided herself in her plan, perfection, and performance who is now in a place of unknown with absolutely no idea what's next. I felt like a failure for not going on to grad school right away. I felt like a failure for not diving head first into ministry. I felt like a failure because somehow God was in this box that I created, but I wasn't in the box.

I made ministry into Bible-Bible-Africa and somehow forgot that God is in everything. God is in Starbucks because well, He has to be. And He's working there because I see it. I'm not an IT consultant or working for the American Cancer Association or going to Africa. I'm not like Stacey who just recently got married and gives her life to working with refugees. I am not like Heidi who is a 2nd grade teacher. I am not like Val who will probably start an international youth ministry and be named Alumi of the Year at Founder's Week. I am not like Kendra who is raising support to spend the rest of her life in Spain. I love these women and rejoice with where God is taking them, but I am not them.

I'm Laura. I'm living in Texas and loving my life. I love my job and the people I work with. I absolutely love being by my family. I love spending so much time with my sister and her family. I want to be a counselor and help the broken. I have no idea where I'll be in 6 months let alone a year. I have no plan. But I have freedom in the unknown where I'm not striving and performing like I have before. I have freedom in being where God so clearly placed me. I have joy in seeing how He's working all around me and in me and even through me. After struggling in this journey of change I finally just joy in being where I am.

So all of this to say, I'm perfectly content and confident in declaring that I will never be Bible-Bible-Africa. And that's okay.